So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
