i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
