I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
