If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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