Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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