Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize