dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
