I want you more than these girls want KFC
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
