She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
