sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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