i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
