I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I'm really busy with my period
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