I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
