you have to choose: penises or morals?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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