Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
