before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
