His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
