drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
