Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
