Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
