I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
