Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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