she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
