Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
