I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
