actually, I'm a sock model
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize