why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
