You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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