so explain again why im purple
no
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
