I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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