You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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