I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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