is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i drank out of a bidet.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
