Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
