I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize