My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
