we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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