The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
