Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
