Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
