i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
