shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's official drugs can't kill me
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
