I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize