I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
