...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
