I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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