I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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