Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
