FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
