I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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