she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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