So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
