Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
