I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
