he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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