They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
