So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
