I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize