I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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