Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
