This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
