it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
