So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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