I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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