gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
