now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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