like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
