You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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