I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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