it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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