The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
