this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize