Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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