Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
