i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
