Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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