I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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