I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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