I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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