Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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