You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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